A few years ago, I was new to a company and was going to an event with our Founder. She had asked me for my bio, that would be read prior to our presentation. In my myriad of careers, I had never had this request and therefore, had never done one. I put together a few sentences. That night, as her bio was read, I realized that I didn’t quite ace the assignment. She had degree upon degree from prestigious university upon prestigious university, had founded companies, was a triathlete etc. You name it, she had done it. Then onto mine. Let’s just say it was short and sweet. Weeks later, at a dinner with our team, I was sharing this experience and said something to the effect of how hers read that she had pretty much cured cancer and mine read like a dating app profile, saying that I like apples and sunshine. (We all still laugh about the apples and sunshine, as that was an exaggeration, I wasn’t that clueless!) Had I strategized, asked a few more questions, done a little research into my audience, I could have produced a more impressive, yet accurate, depiction of who I was and what I had done, in a way that would resonate with the crowd, and accomplish our goals. (Because I have done some really cool things!) Which leads me to dating app profiles, which essentially are, or can be, a mini-bio.

Note to self: we all have different gifts, let’s share, not compare.

I do not know a single person who wouldn’t prefer to meet someone organically. Myself included! I have always had a love/hate relationship with apps, until I heard two things that expanded my perspective: why do you care HOW you meet someone? And, why wouldn’t you go to a place that has ALL (okay, maybe not all) single people? If you believe that like attracts like, which I do, I always make sure I am in the right head space and heart space before signing up. In the past, if a few hours into swiping has shown me that I am not in the right place or space, I just delete. It’s so much more cathartic than just pausing a profile!

What does a good profile look like on a dating app? Curated authenticity. The other weekend, I spent hours helping a girlfriend set up her Bumble profile. It took hours because we were at a bar with terrible cell service and kept getting distracted. The next morning, she had sent a screen shot with 200+ likes. As the day progressed, it became overwhelming for her, with so many more likes, so she chose to greatly restrict her filters to make it more manageable.

So what was our strategy? A variety of photos showing her beautiful natural self, balanced with some where she is more made up, all showcasing her interests. All pics were current and she had a couple that showed her full body. She was hiking with her dog. Celebrating at a basketball game. Laughing with a cocktail glass. The profile was 100% her and very welcoming, with easy conversation starters. The prompts were lighthearted and playful, all the while being authentic. She came across as approachable. Fun. Comfortable at both sporting events and all dressed up. Active. She looks like her photos. No one would be surprised if she showed up for the date. I have heard, from multiple men, that they didn’t recognize their date when they got to the place. That happened to a girlfriend of mine too. She did not recognize her date, and still wonders if any of the pics he posted were even him. To this day, she is still puzzled by him and unfortunately, met him on New Year’s Eve! What a bummer. My profiles mirror what I crafted for my girlfriend. Positive. Honest. Fun. Nothing polarizing as I like to cast a wider net and then see who I am interested in. Come to me.

Note to self: make sure to find the fun.

I had a coffee date, months ago, and knew immediately that he wasn’t my guy. As we were sitting there, I did as I often do, tried to find the reason we were supposed to meet. We started talking about dating profiles and I kindly told him that he should lose the bathroom selfie. I actually used his phone, took a pic of him drinking coffee in this darling restaurant, and he put that photo on his profile. It’s got great lighting and he was laughing. It had more energy than his others, and he did lose the bathroom selfie!

This is what I wish I could share with more men, my opinion of course, and supported by many girlfriends who have voiced similar thoughts:

Be honest. About your age. We all think that we look younger and act younger than our age. But if you are going to lie about that, what else are you going to lie about?

Be honest. About your height. As soon as we meet in person, it’s obvious. And some of us, yours truly here, are not very tall and honestly don’t care about height. And if someone does, then you are setting yourself up for failure right out of the gate.

Be honest. About your location. There are city people and suburb people. And there is seriously someone for everyone. Again, why lie?

Bathroom selfies. If you’re gonna do it, please make sure the toilet seat is down and the bathroom seems clean. We actually look and notice these things.

Fish pics. I may be one of the only women I know who appreciates a guy with fish pics. You look happy and I do know that most men have very few photos of themselves. Again, no judgment from me but I know a lot of women don’t get it. So, one fish pic at the max.

Curb the “no drama please!” My mind immediately assumes that you are the instigator of the drama and it will be an uphill battle. Any emotion I have will be written off as I’m just being dramatic. Hard pass.

Anything anti. If you have just a few characters to express yourself, and you use them to bash someone’s politics or religion, it’s obvious that it consumes you, the negativity comes through the screen, and I know we are not a match. Remember, I am all about apples and sunshine. And kindness always wins.

Anything bashing women. If you are body shaming, filter shaming, eyelash extension shaming, I find you to be mean. No thanks. We are all doing the best we can.

So, what works? Positivity. Please share what you ARE looking for. What DO you like? Honestly, what does partnership look like for you? If you are super into skiing, are you cool if I shop around town while you are skiing, and then we meet up for hot tubbing later? Or, are you really wanting that slope companion?

I once, and only once, matched with an out of town guy who said that he would be in my town for specific dates, and would love company for dinner. It must have been where I was at the time, not looking for anything serious. He wanted to FaceTime before his visit, which was totally fine. However, he kept changing the time, and when he did call, he was in his car. The first question I asked him on our call was, “are you married?” To which he replied, “yes, but it’s an open marriage.” I wanted to ask if his wife knew that, but instead I asked him, “do you know how I knew? You’re wearing Vineyard Vines in one of your pics, and I don’t know any single men who shop there. Only wives for their husbands. Or moms for their kids.” I have a feeling he changed his profile. I don’t know as I had no desire to meet him and immediately unmatched after our brief call.

While I may be really good at setting up a profile, and matching with good guys (for the most part), I still can’t predict chemistry. It’s so easy to create a persona from the little bit of information on a profile, and that is rarely accurate. If it’s a numbers game, I must have a very high number! I think it’s more of a growing and upleveling game and when it’s right, it’s right. My best dating app advice would be to find the fun, don’t take any of it personally, keep the fish pic, and put the seat down. XO