I signed up for a free Zoom class with one of my favorite life coach type people. There was an option in the RSVP to ask a question which would create the possibility for online coaching from this guru guy. I couldn’t think of what to ask. Nothing came to mind. Nothing that I was struggling with, or wondering about. It was exactly the same feeling as when I had just received a surprise store credit from my favorite place to shop, with the only stipulation being that it expired within a few days. There was nothing I was coveting. I was searching online trying to find something to buy, just like I was searching my mind for a question. It was a strange, yet abundant, feeling. Back to the guru. I called my gf and told her about the class. She said, “I don’t know what the question is here, but what comes to mind is how you don’t believe that you are your own soulmate.”

That landed so I typed almost that exact thing. I have heard him talk about how all the love you want is in you. As I was sharing that I do indeed love who I am, am more than comfortable being alone, have finally raised my standards and expectations…it dawned on me that I am still doubting myself, thinking others know best. I am past this. I know that I am made for partnership. A love that I have not yet experienced but somehow know exists. Maybe the advice about it’s all in you, was what I needed to hear and likely did, years ago, when I truly believed I needed someone else to make me whole. When I submitted my question, that wasn’t exactly a question, I felt the immediate answer that only I know what is right for me. Such a deep knowing, and isn’t that how it should be? We are the only ones living our lives, and maybe it’s time to graduate from all of the years of self-help work. I ended up going for a walk rather than attending the Zoom as I didn’t feel the need for any advice.

Why is it so easy to question ourselves? And at what point can that stop? Just like with an online store, where it’s not like everything on that website is my style, it’s the same with the self help movement. You get to pick and choose. Try on some ideas and see what works. Or the same with advice from friends and family. No one has been in my shoes, in your shoes. No one else knows the person across from you in the relationship so most advice is through the lens of their experience. All hopefully well-meaning advice, and great if it helps you think about things from a different perspective, but not great if it makes you totally doubt yourself and your experience.

I have an incredible coach I meet with throughout the year. She holds space beautifully as she asks the questions that lead me to the answers within. Without exception, there is always that a-ha moment where the puzzle comes together. It’s my puzzle, and pieces specific to my life experience, so there isn’t a cookie cutter way to put it all together. And the issue isn’t in the receipt of advice. And I certainly don’t have an issue with self-help and inspiration. I have grown incredibly and a lot of that has been listening to the right podcast for that moment, reading the right reframe. The issue is when someone else’s voice drowns out your inner knowing. At some point, you know. And that’s cause for some pomp and circumstance. XO