Two days before my birthday, I matched with a guy on Hinge. The messaging was fun and it quickly moved to a phone call. When he found out I had a birthday coming up, he offered to fly me to California, since he was there for the week on business. With this milestone looming, that had prompted all sorts of reflection, it felt like the perfect way to start this next decade. There were a couple of internal glitches prior to meeting that told me he wasn’t my guy, but this decision felt bigger than the guy. I was THE girl who takes a chance. I go for it, as I would rather know than wonder. And, I LOVE spontaneous plans.

There were a lot of different reactions from family and friends on my spontaneity. Some judgement. Some loving concern. Maybe a little bit of envy. A little bit of excitement. Lots of “please share your location with me.” All of which prompted future me to become a bit more private with my plans.

Note to self: share location with family and friends, just maybe not ALL of the details with ALL of the family and friends.

I flew in and he had arranged for a ride from the airport to his office. I texted when I got to his building, and he came out to meet me. Shoot. Not my guy. We hugged and he walked me to his car, where there were a dozen roses. If it had felt right, it would have been a fairy-tale start to my love story. I knew immediately upon meeting that this trip was a mistake, and was now totally at the mercy of someone I did not know and did not feel comfortable with. I was back in middle school at a sleepover, wanting my parents to come and pick me up.

We went to breakfast, where he referred to me as “Sweetie” and “Honey.” I tried hard to channel my best Stepford wife, smiling, and making conversation, while internally feeling so fake and uncomfortable. He had to go back to work so dropped me off at the hotel. Phew. I went for a walk and called my mom, seriously wishing I could go home. She immediately knew that it was a bad sign that I was calling so quickly, but just talking with her helped lift my spirits. He picked me up for dinner and had made an effort to find a nice restaurant on the water, to celebrate my birthday. I really tried to be present and not overthink it. Knowing there was a reason we met. That mindset helped me take a step back and just look at him as a nice guy and as a friend. Dinner was nice and we laughed a lot about the differences in our friends, sharing voicemails as we drove back to the hotel. His phone was plugged in so I heard his buddy’s voicemail, something to the effect of, you alive? I was laughing, contrasting that with messages I had just received, where my girlfriends had left minutes long birthday wishes, essentially having entire conversations with themselves over voicemail. That was probably the highlight.

In the past, I would have felt so sad that this was not my guy, but this trip was truly about me. I love the concept of my actions being aligned with my vision. This was a memorable start to the next chapter and as my friends and family would say, it made a great story. In retrospect, I should not have had our only FaceTime date while on a walk, wearing polarized sunglasses, and I should have done a little more vetting. (This is a good example of maybe not the smartest decision) BUT I love that I am the girl who is a champion of love and will be a little crazy and spontaneous in pursuit of it. It does make a great story, but now there is a better story. XO