We get to choose what metrics we use to define success in our lives. And it is so beautiful and sparkly when that truly integrates. This is your life. This is my life. How I live, what choices I make, I need to, and get to, live with. And your choices are yours. Since we are all created uniquely, with our very own soul and our very own journey, why would we ever compare? No one’s path is meant to be the same. That would be so boring. And I have realized that the people, who judge other’s journeys, are not my people.

I was at a party and talking with a lovely woman. She met her husband in college and has been in the same industry, with the same company, for 35 years. I didn’t ask, but I suspect she has likely lived in the same house, or maybe just a few different houses, during that time as well. She radiates stability and security and I am sure her 401k is big. It was such a contrast to my journey and I have thought often about this. Had I met my person in college, known what career I wanted, would this be my life? As I cannot even begin to wrap my head around that path, I don’t think it was meant for me. It doesn’t mean it’s not enviable. Especially, if I were to retire today, my current 401k wouldn’t cover my Netflix. So I keep working.

It starts so early that we try to fit in and be like the crowd. It’s like we only have those first couple years to just be, and then the comparison starts. The trying to morph into someone else. What if, instead, it was taught to us, and instilled in us, that life is about trying to figure out WHY we are here. WHO we are. WHAT we are meant to do. In an exciting way. A journey of discovery. If I had, early on, embraced that my journey would be wild and winding, unique, but always upleveling, I would have been a lot kinder to myself. And not tried so hard to fit in and impress the wrong people, the wrong guys, but known there would, one day, be the guy who loved that about me. Who embraced that about me. And encouraged me to continue to follow what lights me up. But I had to learn how to do that first.

I think about a conversation with a beautiful friend who has been extremely financially successful, and was lamenting the golden handcuffs. While that financial success would be great, the idea of feeling trapped in a position makes my heart race. So if we go back to how we are made, the world needs the variety. It’s so much more interesting.

There is the idea that we judge what we don’t understand. One year, this woman I know asked, “where are you living THIS year?” It was snarky. I kind of laughed and answered her question, which happily was, “SAME place!” But as I walked away, I thought that her question, while delivered with tone, was somewhat justified. I had moved a lot. And a lot of people don’t move a lot. She doesn’t, so she doesn’t understand. I don’t judge people who don’t move a lot. That would be weird. I only judge judgmental people. And how much more grace there would be to realize that there is not just one instruction manual for how to live life, but literally billions. One for each person out there. And what if we approached everyone with curiosity more than condemnation? I want to live in that world.

Note to self: remember that saying: we see things not as they are, but as we are.

So back to metrics that define success. Maybe it’s not even an exact metric, but more of an understanding that we are unique. And that’s really special. Paths and priorities differ, and if you’re confident in your journey, following what lights you up, then the opinions of others don’t really matter. Again, we judge what we don’t understand. I thrive on interaction and connection, and maybe that’s why I have dated so many people. Gone on so many dates. Yes, at times, it’s felt tiring or discouraging, and it’s definitely not my end game, but it has brought a lot of growth and joy into my life. And apparently, that is what I have needed. As Peter Crone says, “What happened happened, and it couldn’t have happened any other way because… it didn’t.” Looking for, and finding, the reason, the growth opportunity, the soulful connection, behind everything that happens in life has become a habit. I am a firm believer that if you look for the magic, you find it. You look for the good, you find it. You look for the sparkles, you find them. So many people’s eyes are sparkly. Have you noticed that?

Like Kings of Leon sings, “If I walk a mile in your shoes, then I’ve got your shoes and I’m a mile away.” I would rather walk a mile in my shoes, with you, and learn more about your wild and winding journey. Or your steadfastness and stability. Any of it. The world needs all of us. XO