There is a lifestyle program I love, To Be Magnetic, that talks about the connection between love and money, and that both represent security. The idea that work mirrors love and vice versa. I agree and have definitely drawn comparisons between job searching and dating. The process is analogous in that it’s all about alignment and timing. Finding and not forcing, and detaching from the outcome. In high school, there were a couple guys I had major crushes on and neither chose me. Through a lot of inner child work, I have determined that those experiences helped shape the limiting belief that “I don’t get what I want.” Which then translated to low self-worth, lack of deservingness etc. Those two guys certainly don’t get all the credit, or blame for that matter, for decades of my playing small, but I definitely think some of it started there. In retrospect, I can, of course, see that neither would have been good for me, and that my interest in them was likely totally based on looks and popularity. It was so simple back then. Shallow and simple.

Fast forward to a time when I found out that I did not get a promotion at work. It was a long process and early on, I realized that the “thing,” the opportunity here, had nothing to do with the outcome. The “thing” was my advocating for myself. Growing in the process. Getting more confident in my current role and actually developing more passion and appreciation for what I was doing. So much so, that I debated pulling out of this process. I had balance. An incredible team. I could go on and on. So I was rethinking all of this for the aforementioned reasons and many more. Also, being intuitive, I kind of knew this wasn’t going in my direction and my ego wanted me to pull out so I could be the one saying no. Reject before being rejected. But, fear also can masquerade as intuition, so I wasn’t convinced which it was. As I was debating and praying for clarity, an epiphany hit me, and my anxious need for clarity was replaced by the reminder to trust and surrender. Trust. Surrender.

Note to self: it really is so simple. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Why is it so hard to remember that?

So I decided to see the job process through and most of my craving for clarity was replaced with curiosity. Trusting that the outcome would be what is truly best for me. It ALWAYS is. Maybe momentary pain but so much better than I could have designed. Always. I kept going back and forth with how I wanted it to play out. But truly getting to a place of not needing to know, because if it was meant to be, it would be. As I was waiting for a decision, I texted with a girlfriend telling her I would know soon if I got the job. She texted, “May the perfect outcome happen for you.” When I texted her after my meeting and told her I didn’t get the job, she texted, “Oh no, and also congrats! Now you’re free for the next amazing thing.” (I love my friends so much)

What if we did not let “rejection” ever define us? Like never, ever. I heard on a podcast that rejection is only an interpretation. Yes. Just because I want something and don’t get it, that does not mean I am unworthy. Undeserving. It was never mine to begin with. It never existed as mine. What if I had realized this in high school? Actually, in junior high when my crushes began. What if it had felt more like a game of discovery, meant to help me learn more and more about myself? What if I had told myself, way back then, to find the fun? What if I had realized that liking someone solely for their looks and popularity was more of a reflection of what mattered to me. For me. Yes, not deep, but high school me was mostly concerned with finding a ride to the mall and making my tanning appointment.

If only, early on in my journey, I had shifted the narrative from “I don’t get what I want,” to “I don’t get what’s not meant for me”. “I don’t get what’s not for my highest good.” That mindset would have been so empowering. Such a feeling of freedom and protection. Freedom to keep going down a path until a roadblock forces an adjustment in a different direction. And that is now how I truly live my life. Curious. Protected. Full force heading in a direction that feels right until it no longer does. So back to how this story started. Rejection never feels good. I cried. But even as I was hearing the job news, I was feeling relief. And I also had a new thought that just because I can do something, doesn’t mean I’m meant to do it. So, here’s to all the things we want and don’t get. We get to add whatever significance we want to everything that happens in life. So why not make it complimentary and positive? Insane gratitude for the protection. For the closed doors. For the affection that wasn’t returned. For the roadblocks. Always knowing that it’s either this, or something better. Unwavering curiosity for what’s around the corner. The next amazing thing. XO