“It’s your life, pretty girl.” My girlfriend was telling me about her second date and how he kept saying that line to her. We were laughing, but in agreement that yes, it is her life, and she is pretty. But why didn’t this sit well? He had taken her to a concert to see one of her favorite bands. She was sharing that anytime someone would walk close to them, and maybe potentially bump into them, he would dramatically grab her and pull her close, protecting her. This too didn’t sit well. It was all too much, too soon. And somewhat incongruous to the situation at hand. A general admission concert, where bumping is to be expected. It’s not that either one is wrong in this scenario, there just isn’t alignment. But why? I love a manly man, who would protect me from a perceived threat, and who doesn’t want to be called pretty? As we were unpacking her date, it became clear that he just isn’t likely her guy. But it can be confusing and lead to overthinking. He’s good looking. Generous and caring to get tickets to one of her favorite bands. He’s wanting a relationship. He’s seemingly a really good guy. But I think it was the saying it over and over, and the over protection that was too much, too soon. I remember dating someone forever ago, and every time our eyes would meet, he would say, “hi.” Like many multiple times into hanging out. A perpetual greeting. If the right guy had done this, would I have liked it? I just don’t think the right guy would do this. Chicken and the egg scenario here.

There is also something when it is too soon that feels like he could be with anyone, and insert date: here. Like it isn’t really about you, anyone could be called pretty and told that this is their life. I get that as someone who has been in love with love, and the great love story, for forever. I used to want “it” so bad, that I would create so much from so little. So, I totally get when someone wants a relationship, but the timing needs to be aligned. I had a great date, months ago. Hot yoga with an even hotter date. This is one of my favorite first dates since it’s active, vulnerable, sweaty. All the things. I met him at his studio and felt a fun connection, talking before and after class. I would have 100% seen him again. Unfortunately, he texted on the way home that we should go get a hotel room and shower together. Too soon. Not even in a puritanical way, just in a…how do I explain this…read the room kind of way. If that text had suggested breakfast, yes, I’m in. Let’s get to know one another. Tell me your last name.

And maybe too soon really isn’t the issue. It’s just indicative of the wrong person. These things could have landed better if it was the right fit. A couple years ago, I met someone right after Thanksgiving. On our second date, we realized that we both had the same week free, meaning no kids, in between Christmas and New Year’s. We started talking about how to take advantage of this time off, and booked a trip to Mexico the next day. While there, we celebrated our four-week anniversary, from the day we matched on an app. On that trip, he said, “I feel love for you.” I could sense that in the way he looked at me and treated me, and I felt it too. I returned “I feel love for you, too,” and he said he knew. He also felt it from me. I had never expressed it, or felt it, quite like that. It wasn’t “I love you,” or “I’m in love with you.” It was sweet, caring, deep, and perfectly nailed the connection we had. And most people in my life felt like a trip like this was too soon into knowing him. Especially since we booked it days after meeting. To me, it felt just right.

Ah! Maybe it also feels too soon when the verdict is still out. With Mexico guy, before we had even met, we talked on the phone for three hours one night, and had messaged a bunch. With yoga guy, we had really only messaged to plan which class to take. Our longest conversation was when he walked me to my car. I still needed more information. Many more layers to peel back before all the layers were exposed.

So one’s too soon is someone else’s just right. And sometimes, you don’t know until you know. At the end of the day, it is your life, pretty girl. XO