There is a comedian who talks about dating apps and how one profile can look like 6 different guys, and you never know which one is going to show up on the date. So true. When I first ever tried dating apps, if I found one photo attractive, I would say yes. My advice now is to find the least flattering pic, and make your decision based on that one. I almost never say yes to someone with only one photo, but this one time I did. We had a fun conversation on the phone where I learned that I was his first date after a 20 year relationship. Even though I have maintained my optimism that my love story exists, I definitely have low expectations and high standards for a first time app date. He had a sweet school boy energy about him and we were both looking forward to it.

I have got to stop having guys I have never met before pick me up at my house. Anyway, he shows up, gets out of his truck and seems nice and kind of familiar. A few minutes into our in-person conversation, I am feeling zero attraction but can tell he is thinking this is a great connection.

Note to self: coffee dates only, from here on out.

After a few more minutes, it hits me and in a direct, nice way, I tell him “you look like my brother.” It’s his build, his mannerisms, his total appearance. Like literally, everything. All I could think about was bringing him to a family event and what my super funny family would think and likely say. Now that I had gotten that out of my head and he knew what I was feeling and thinking, I thought it would make the date easier. Nope. He told me I would get past it. Nope. What if I don’t want to get past it? He asked to see a photo of my brother and then actually totally marveled at how similar they are. Now I could not un-see it. But also, the second we met, I knew he wasn’t my guy. I tried explaining that my intuition is sharp and my body knows immediately.

Nice guy. Not my guy. But this was certainly a first. The best (and worst) was when he looked at me and said, “but I’m not your brother.” Ew.

As I mentioned, I was his first date in 20 years. The idea that I know right away if I feel a romantic connection was kind of foreign to him. Telling me I would get past it. Things can change. It made me briefly question myself and my inner knowing. There are schools of thought that you need 3 dates at a minimum as people are not themselves right away. I have tried that. I fully support that someone can become more attractive over time but I just know. And because I have felt that connection immediately, not a nervous system response, but an attraction and an interest, I will continue to maintain that I just know. And definitely back to the coffee date and not the dinner date. XO