Timing. Persistence. Surrender. Vulnerability. A lot of concepts, goals there, but follow along for a minute. There is this guy on the dating apps, Hinge specifically, that would try to match with me every single time I was on. As you can send a message on Hinge, he always did, and it was always the same. It complimented my smile and then suggested meeting for lunch or dinner, and he gave a couple of really nice options. Like, really nice. This is his move. It’s a good one, but it’s a move, as he has sent the exact same message to one of my girlfriends every time she is on. I, unlike her, did go on a date with him a year or so ago. It was fine, not amazing, and it certainly wasn’t memorable for him, because even after said date, he has sent me the exact same message when I have hopped on Hinge. Every. Single. Time.

Props to the guy for trying. For putting himself out there. Persistence. I have wondered if I made no impression whatsoever at our coffee date, or if he’s wondering about the timing now. How about now? My girlfriend and I were talking about this, and she said, “you know, one of these days I just might be hungry enough to take him up on his offer.” Again, he leads with some of the best restaurants in our city. We were laughing, but is that what happens sometimes? We are worn down. Hungry. And maybe say yes to something we wouldn’t ordinarily say yes to. Surrender. But not in a trusting way. Surrender in a fatigued way. And how do you know the difference? And, is there any harm in saying yes to someone or something that you have a history of shutting down? Could that be a time when the magic happens? I am sure there are many love stories that start this way. Saying yes when you would typically say no. There is something really great about that. Sometimes we say no for silly reasons. Ego filled reasons. Sticking with past toxic patterns because they are familiar. I’m not talking about breaking boundaries that are put up for safety, or saying yes to something that could be dangerous. More like possibly saying yes to the suburbs guy even if you are a city girl. Saying yes until there is a good reason to say no. As we know, if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always gotten.

There is a beautiful curiosity in wondering if now the timing might be right. Vulnerability. An openness to knocking on the door once more. This is a lot of the circling back from exes, right? Could something be different this time? Have both people evolved in a way that a better, stronger relationship could be created? Or is it just because you haven’t found better, so you are pedestalizing someone that doesn’t deserve it? So many questions, and often you don’t know the answer until you try. My advice, if you are wondering if possibly now the timing could be right with someone, is lead with something different. Something that shows it’s not the same move as every last time. Something more. Effort and directness that give clarity, not confusion. Why now? XO