“It’s human nature to wonder if there’s more and better out there.” Context is key. If you read that in a psychology book or a magazine article, it might or might not resonate. It’s not groundbreaking but somewhat philosophical. I was on a date, with someone I was actually dating, and he said that line to me. I was the baseline comparison. More than me. Better than me. And he’s teeing it up like everyone wonders this about someone they’re with. It immediately hurt. Our timing was off. I used to say that timing is everything. I even had that on one of my dating app profiles. Not sure if it is everything, but it sure is something. In this relationship, he was newly out of his marriage, and the world looked very different than what he had been living and pictured. I totally get that. Many stages. High level, maybe initial heaviness and heartbreak, and then acceptance, and then, hopefully, excitement. I was a couple years ahead of him with my divorce, and much farther along in my healing.

One of my best girlfriends, who was the first to reintroduce me to the single scene, shared this article with me around the time I heard that terrible sentence, F Yes or No The premise is that why would you ever want to be with someone who is not excited about you? Or someone who is wondering if there is more and better than you? I know! I know! I can change him. I can convince him. I can play cool girl enough. Look pretty enough. The sad part was that the me back then believed those things. I can only daydream about what I would do now in that situation. I thiiiiiink I would be able to recognize that “he” needs time to date and realize that there is not more than me. Or better than me. Or maybe we would both find better than what we had together. But rather than sadly waiting for him to do his thing, I would be released to do my thing. And if it were meant to be, it would be. And it wouldn’t hit so deeply and personally.

Note to self: if he’s in a rebuilding season while I’m looking to win the Super Bowl, it’s not meant to be. At this time. Maybe next season.

We are all on our own journey and while I have so many people who have played parts in my story, I have played parts in so many people’s stories. Hopefully, positive parts. Maybe I was there to give hope on the other side of divorce, in this case. There is that adage about when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Well, when someone tells you where they’re at, believe them. The first time. And props to this guy for being so upfront. It hurt but he was honest. The rest that followed, my wishing and hoping, was on me. And by the time he played the field, and discovered that what we had was the most and the best, I no longer felt the same, about him and about us. Timing. Not everything. But definitely something. XO