It all seemed right at the time. You did the best you could, given your set of circumstances, at the time. I recently read the most beautiful quote by Morgan Richard Olivier: You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Don’t let new wisdom lead you to condemn yourself over old struggles. Forgive yourself and move forward. How beautiful is that?? I have long believed that you do your best with what you have at the time. But to further distill it down to what you knew. You, I, didn’t have all of the information at that moment that would have led to a different outcome. I picture a courtroom, where the evidence is laid out. Many times in life, when I have gotten to have THE conversation with someone I cared about, where I vulnerably and authentically shared my full heart, I have had the thought that now, the defense rests. As long as I knew that he knew how I felt, and I honestly laid out my case, it was now off my shoulders. Rarely have I felt the need to wait for a verdict. Case closed.

This ‘new wisdom’ part really got me. The new wisdom that has come from ALL the growth. ALL the experiences. If we always did the exact same thing in life, we would have the exact same outcomes. Or some iteration of them. But new wisdom…it can take the shoulda, woulda, coulda out of it. The tinge of regret softens. And wisdom comes from experience. And books, podcasts, friends. But truly from experience. I don’t know until I know. And! What if you don’t know until you are meant to know? That is beyond freeing. But that would mean releasing the self-punishment. Ok, I’m in.

Note to self: what if the knowledge you possessed at the time, was all the knowledge you were meant to have SO THAT you would make that choice?

Forgive yourself. Move forward. Yes! Why is the voice in your head so critical? Asking for a friend. Where is the benefit of the doubt we extend to others? Where is the grace? It seems to be in short supply when it is for oneself. Ok, I’ll make it personal. My past mistakes can haunt me. Past choices that I still regret. The feeling that I was absent when the owner’s manual to life was passed out. Feeling like everyone else knows what they are doing. That thought is rarer these days, as I have eventually come to learn that we are all winging it. That realization was beyond freeing, and I only wish I had it much earlier in life. But every now and then, I still wonder if I’m missing something. It is so absurd to think there is just one manual. How boring would that be if we were all the same and meant to live the same lives? That almost makes my heart race.

I think the best formula is owning your space. Owning your journey. Knowing that there is no one who has the exact same makeup as you. The same experiences. The same thoughts. And that the world needs your unique light. Oh, and for sure throw a lot of grace in there for past mistakes and likely present and future mistakes. And some people say there is no such thing as a “mistake,” but you know what I mean. That is how we learn. Grow. Evolve. And relate to one another. And laugh. Rarely are the best moments of connection through sharing how perfectly something turned out. It is usually from the funny mistakes, that are so very relatable. It’s how rain seems to make memories better. Maybe not at the time, when you are soaking wet, but in retrospect. So, here’s to rainy days, the best experiences, and uniqueness. XO